Almost three weeks as a family of four

I'm not sure what happened to last week - I meant to put up an earlier post, but somehow the days slipped by and so this post is more of an "almost three weeks with Lillian" update instead. Don't be fooled by the pictures of the baby awake. As Morgen will tell you, Lillian is most often asleep. Morgen finds it a bit annoying, but I'm going to enjoy it while I can. Let's face it, some day the little one is going to wake up and make all kinds of extra demands on her parents and sibling. For now though, she is mostly a sleepy baby - and a very noisy sleepy baby, as you will discover when you meet her.

So far, Morgen has been expressing her displeasure over the change in our family unit in very natural and small ways, most of which are directed at me. She refuses to hug or kiss me from time to time, and she gets upset when she has to go to school while I stay home with Lillian. We decided to keep Morgen in daycare during the newborn period so that she can have some fun, non-baby influenced playtime everyday with her friends and with the amazing people who are her caregivers there. I have to remind myself that this continuity for her (not to mention the rest for me) is worth it in the long term, even though there are a few moments every day when mommy guilt rears its ugly head and I feel like less of a parent than my mother was (my mother who cared for two babies while my dad traveled back and forth to school and work every day). Hopefully, in a few months, Lillian will be more fun for Morgen - and happily, Morgen is very gentle and considerate of her baby sister. Morgen gives Lillian hugs and kisses at bedtime, and while I know she may be doing this to emphasize the hugs and kisses she isn't giving me, I'll take this form of jealousy over the violent kind. We've been giving Morgen little pep talks at bedtime about how special and unique she is and how much we love her, and by the amused look on her face and the way she now prompts us to have the talk in between her book and her lullaby ("Only one Morgen!") I think we're at least providing her with some extra entertainment, making family change more fun, even if it is still change...and by making sure Morgen gets some alone time with mommy every day I hope to earn some of my hugs and kisses back one day soon. Ugh, the little ones know how to get you where it hurts! I miss my hugs and kisses.